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The following conversation never took place at Marvel Comics:

Writer: “Alright, I’ve got an idea for the next great superhero. A hero on par with Superman…. Are you listening?”

Marvel Exec: “Yes.”

Writer: “His main personality trait… is he’s always surly and ANGRY…but…but… that’s okay because he’s actually a TOTAL PSYCHOPATH. I mean he’s liable to just got off at any minute on anyone, and just slash away.”

Marvel Exec: “…Ok. Like in a funny way?”

Writer: “No, I mean he is literally a PSYCHOPATH!  Like… in a split second he can just go NUTS and slash and destroy whatever is in front of him…”

Marvel Exec: “But…I…how is…”

Writer: “Let me finish…okay, so let’s say ….we give him this HUGE EFFIN’ KNIFE… and it’s special because it can cut through ANYTHING …like ANYTHING!!! So that way, when he goes off, he can just hack and slice, and stab and ravage things …and PEOPLE into meaty pulps.”

Marvel Exec: “I don’t think that will work because…”

Writer: “Okay, let’s make it THREE huge knifes on each hand.”

Marvel Exec: “How would that be a superhero?”

Writer: “Because he’ll get in ALL KINDS OF FIGHTS with good AND bad guys… and the kids will love him. The knives can cut through anything …so he will destroy anything he hits immediately”

Marvel Exec: “You’re fired.”

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Have you guys ever thought about Wolverine now that you are an adult?

He has the sharpest knives on the planet, and they are made of a metal that can cut through anything but itself. It’s REALLY important that you remember that last part.

Following that logic, Wolverine should have already killed just about everyone in the Marvel Universe.

The problem with making your character have KNIVES for weapons, (much less ones that can cut through anything,) is that unless his opponent ends up dead or close to it, your character sucks, right?

It would be like making a ‘war hero’ type character that is an expert marksmen, who can shoot a fly at 200 yards, but his bullets explode into dust on impact.

They are INDESTRUCTABLE KNIVES!

If he swings at ANYTHING it should be gone, right?

Slashed.

Cut.

Obliterated.

Even in video games, ALL HE DOES IS SLASH!

“Ow…quit it!” the opponents say.

Even fighting Cyclops, the biggest pansy of the X-Men…

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Claws that can cut through ANYTHING… except for spandex.

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Now, before you come back with the “He holds back with his power most of the time…” 
HIS MAJOR CHARACTER TRAIT IS THAT HE IS A BERSERKER WHEN HE IS ANGRY!
He flies off the handle! He can’t control himiself! He just goes crazy!!

How has he not killed everyone he has ever fought?

Here are some possible reasons:

1. Wolverine is a horrible fighter and has actually landed about 9 punches in 20 years.

2. His claws are made out of Nerf

3. The berserker thing is a lie, he has incredible control, and only wants to destroy people’s outfits

Folks, how is this character the most popular superhero for kids in the Marvel Universe? Hit me up, change my mind, please.